Van's Hardware Journal

Investigators have announced the fossil remains of an enormous snake stretching up to fifty feet long and possibly weighing as much as two tons. At its greatest girth, the slithering reptile "would have come up to about your hips," said David Polly, a geologist at the University of Indiana at Bloomington.

Living about five-million years after the dinosaurs were wiped out by an errant bolide (or, more likely, several bollides), the serpent ruled a Columbian jungle during a period when earth was much hotter than today.