By Van Smith
Date: July 16, 2001
I have been bitten by lizards before. The semiconductor world is swarming with reptilian vermin.
I have heard that lots of people get bitten and even killed by the Komodo Dragon -- some really unfortunate people get eaten. I think one year Komodo Dragons killed eight people on that tiny, remote Indonesian island. These monsters, which can weigh up to three hundred pounds and have been known to slay and eat oxen, have a bacteria factory in their mouths making their bites septic and very difficult to treat. People and animals bitten by dragons often succumb due to infection.
It's not surprising to hear that someone else got bitten recently, on their big toe. The lizard was only about 50 pounds, a puny lightweight in the Komodo Dragon world, but apparently the little fella was able to mangle the man's toe badly enough to put him in the hospital for nearly a week.
Okay, so that is still not that surprising considering that these reptiles have "teeth like a tiger shark" to quote the Crocodile Hunter, that big Australian sissy who jumps on the backs of wild crocodilians.
Still, it was a bit surprising to find out that this man was an editor of a major San Francisco paper, and that he was waving his juicy, sock covered little foot nuggets in front of the dragon's mouth like an ill conceived caudle lure. And it was a little strange that this happened in Los Angeles and not on the Island of Komodo.
Oh, and the editor happens to be starlet Sharon Stone's husband, and this was a Father's Day gift to him.
Sadly, I guess that the only thing that is not at all surprising is that there is talk that Stone and her hubby are thinking about suing the Los Angeles Zoo, the venue for this classic toe-versus-man-eating-lizard confrontation. Now I might be crazy, but it seems to me that Mr. Stone (not his real name, but it might as well be) bears a little bit of personal responsibility by jumping sock-footed into a Komodo Dragon's cage in the first place -- I mean, he kinda had to go out of his way a little to do this -- and I think the Stones even paid for this privilege.
But in this world, the millionaire Stones will probably win, financially depleting the zoo which will have to close down and be bulldozed into a movie theatre parking lot where the kiddies can go see Indecent Exposure XCII instead of having to worry about getting their piggies eaten by exotic caged reptiles.